Hey! It’s been a long time.
I’ve hesitated for a quite a while on whether or not to make a newsletter to explain why I took such a long break from being as involved as I usually am and why I had to put myself a bit more behind a curtain. But in my experience, I’ve found that being vulnerable with my audience and colleagues has often inspired more goodness than bad. Oftentimes, people will say it’s what they like about me or attracted them to me to begin with. Other times, those who see me as the pretty, silly instagram lady with a perfect life will feel comforted knowing that everyone is going through it more or less. So, at the end of the pros and cons list, I figured it’d be a better idea to be a bit more transparent about the reasons behind my near-disappearance, although naturally there are details I’d rather not share/revisit/linger on.
I don’t want to worry anyone because sometimes, I do need to take breaks from the public eye to recharge, do my thing, work on a personal project but, in this case, it was something a little more serious. As you might have noticed, it’s been a little over a year since I started quieting down more and more and this timeline correlates to when I started having symptoms of what would show itself to be quite a large health problem. It started with a really long flu in October that kept me close to bedridden for several weeks. This was followed directly by these strange painful blisters that began on my face and spread to my fingers, elbows and knees which bled burning, itchy liquid. Clearly, I was freaking out in this situation and sought out help. I was treated for everything under the sun, tested and prodded and poked, but the only thing that worked was a full suite of topical and oral antibiotics, which had its own special side-effects. While the final signs of the blisters were fading away into scars, I lost control of my right hand entirely and had pain from my ring finger to my elbow to my shoulder, neck, head. This is how I became very intimate with what is called the Ulnar Nerve, if you know you know. Amongst that, there were other weird problems and pains.
It was around here that I had to start seeing several specialists around 3/4 times a week for many, many months. I couldn’t really do anything I loved, couldn’t really work unless I exclusively used my left hand to control my computer. No biking, cooking, journaling, painting, music, crocheting, yoga, climbing… you get the picture. There would be moments of health where I would feel confident enough to accept a shoot or plan something big with my fans. Eventually I realized these windows were opportunities to try to get as much possible work done as quickly as possible. These spurts of activity would inevitably be followed by a crash where I would have to sleep for around 14+ hours in order to return to something that vaguely resembled homeostasis. I really felt like I lost everything I loved and didn’t know if or when I’d ever return to normal. Anyone who’s been through a similar longterm injury (or even maybe a bad cold or flu haha) has probably felt this way, it can be very daunting.
There was never a clear name or answer but every professional pointed to one clear cause: stress was the main cause. Since getting this report from my team of specialists, I’ve been doing endless research on the nervous system and it’s relation to past trauma and vice versa. Somatics, breath work, body work. I still see some sort of professional several days a week right now (physical therapist, therapist, generalist, etc) to work on my connection with myself, rebuild the damaged body parts and heal. There’s been lots of medical operations and tons of medications but the thing I found to be the most helpful has been working on what I call the hippie shit: my mental wellness, my alliance with my body, managing stress levels, eating healthy, and so on. I’ve finally been given permission to start riding my bike again in small sessions as well as gently ease into yoga which has been fantastic for all of these realms. Things are really looking up, and I’m so grateful for it.
I feel like I have to pre-defend myself here, on the internet, by affirming— this is really not a sob story to garner pity. I do realize there are zillions of people who have it much, much worse. In reality, I’d like to provide this as a reference for anyone suffering in the same way and might be looking for some answers or simply someone to relate to. And maybe there’s someone reading this who’s gone through something similar who can also offer me and other readers some knowledge (please comment on this post if yes, that way others can also find your wisdom).
As for my progress bar at this moment, I’m not sure if this *is* going to be an issue forever but I’ve been told it will most likely be something I’ll have to manage for the rest of my life which is, well, a bummer, though I have been assured that it won’t get this bad as long as I stay on top of it. If I try to look at this in a positive way, I find it’s a way to force me to be present and in tune with my body, my mind and my emotions.
Overall, I’m just happy to be turning a corner and I cannot wait to move on from the worst year of my life (there was a lot more besides just health problems but I do not have the desire to share about all that, I keeping that in the past for now). There’s still a ton of healing to do but the doctors appointments are decreasing, the pain is manageable, my dog is healthy, I’m able to do some of my hobbies again in doses, I’m able to keep up with work again and I have some creative projects underway that are going to blow your miiiiiiiid 🙂 can’t wait to share what I’ve been cookin’.
Because I know people will ask- the best way to be helpful while I’m still healing is to treat yourself to some of my creations or just drop me a tip and there are lots of ways to do so below, heard bitcoin went up 😛. It’s been a very depleting year so if you have the means and desire, I would appreciate it greatly and you’d help me with some much needed stress-relief. Those who know me know I absolutely hate asking for help, and that’s magnified even more with everything going on in the world. So I leave it up to you to decide how to toss your coins.
I hope this wasn’t too rambling (and please forgive my typos and overuse of parentheses, got too much to catch up on to be a perfectionist)— either way, I figured I owed you guys a few extra words since it’s been so long that I’ve given an update. Though it’s not all the sparkles and excitement I usually like to offer you, I’m happy to say every sign tells me I’m headed in the right direction and the next round should be a lot more joyful.
So yes, this is my comeback song. Let’s hope it’s even more successful than ever and thanks to those who have stuck with me through the years. And a big fat welcome all those who are on the newer side. I hope this signifies a new beginning into something extra special for the community I’ve built here on the internet and beyond.
Sending big love,
Migi
PS: Depending on when in life you catch this post, there is a sale happening as I type on my OnlyFans as well as a little free trial on my Fansly! Go check it out 🙂
now it’s time for links:
CURRENT EVENTS:
LIVING LIFE FOR NOW (more to come………………. very very soon 😎)
Leave a Reply